Damn, What A Way To Go
by Insanity4Apples
Summary: Amber was once a human...but now a vulpix? she meets a meowth and well...it's just not her f**king day that day. some cursing.
1. It's just not my fucking day

Lucario: hello people of earth! im starting a pokemon story! yaaay! ...ehem...

Pain: *wakes up* huh? oh. yay.

Lucario: dont worry. im not gonna make you type anything in the story. i know you hate pokemon.

Pain: im going back to sleep now.

Lucario: fine. at least my cute little vulpix friend is here to keep me company.

Vulpix: i hate being a victim.

Mady: helloooo? anyone care to notice me?

Lucario: hmmm...yep. thats it. onto the story!

* * *

**CHAPTER 1**

**IT'S JUST NOT MY F**KING DAY**

"Wh-whoa...are...are you okay? No! Dont let go! Just a little longer...c'mon! Hang on!"

"N-n-no! I cant...hold on...!"

Lightning hits and everything goes silent, except for the raging storm...

In the morning a Vulpix is washed up on the beach...

"Urrg...where am I? Ungh...I can't...get up...i'm so dizzy...this is just not my f**king day..."

Meanwhile, at a guild with a giant Wigglytuff sculpture, a pokemon is pacing around with a strange stone hanging from his neck. This pokemon is a Meowth.

"..."

He turns to leave then stops and slaps himself.

"No way! I'm getting into this guild if it kills me! No more wimping out!"

He turns back then steps onto the gate on the ground and an unknown voice yells up, "Pokemon detected! Pokemon detected!" and a different voice yells up, "Whose footprint? Whose footprint?" and the first voice yells back, "The footprint is Meowth's! The footprint is Meowth's!".

"Gah!" screams Meowth as he jumps back. "Jesus, every time!" he stops and tries to relax a little. "...I cant go in after all...i tried but..." he sighs and looks at the stone hanging from his neck. "I thought this would help me, inspire me, but i was wrong. i cant do anything because im a coward. I'm such a loser..." he says to himself as he walks off to the beach.

After he leaves, two more pokemon come out of their hiding spot in the blushes.

"Hey Zubat..." one says. "Did ya see that wimpy little pokemon?"

"Yeah..." the one named Zubat says. "Let's go after him, Koffing."

"You got it." Koffing says as he follows his partner in crime.

Meanwhile, at the beach...

"Wow, it's so beautiful..." says Meowth as he stares out into the ocean. "This is just the right place to relax..." he yawns and stretches out onto the sand and curls up until he sees a Vulpix across the beach. "Huh? I wonder what that pokemon is doing...i guess it wouldnt hurt to check it out..." he says as he walks over on all fours to the Vulpix. "Hey...hey are you okay? Wake up..." he shakes her with his paw a bit.

"Ugh...too tired...5 more minutes..." she says sleepily as she whacks Meowth on the head.

"H-hey! C'mon now, wake up!" he says, aggravated, and shakes her harder.

"Ahhhh! Talking pokemon! Die evil spirit!" the Vulpix screams and accidentally hits him with the move Ember. "Wow...how did i do that...?"

"Grrrrr...hey what was that for?"

"Ummm...i dont even know how i did that..."

"You...You're kidding right? You're a Vulpix! Of course you can use the move Ember!"

"I'm a...Vulpix...? But...that cant be right..." she says as she slowly gets up, blinking as she finds out she can only walk on all fours, then stares at her reflection in the water. "...I must be dreaming. I'm not a pokemon! I'm a HUMAN! So how am i a Vulpix?"

"Human huh? I see whats going on. You're playing some stupid joke. Well, it's not funny."

"I'm not playing a joke! Aww, man! What am i gonna do?" she says worridly as she paces back and forth on the sand.

"...You're telling the truth? You swear?"

"YES!"

"...Alright i believe you." he says smiling. "Sorry, but it's hard to trust anyone nowadays. I'm Meowth. Who're you?"

"I'm Amber..."

"Nice to meetcha! So where're ya from?"

"I...I dont know...i cant remember..."

"That sucks."

"Yep. It's just not my f**king day."

"Well, you could always-" he starts, but gets pushed into Amber roughly, his rock falling off his neck.

"Ouch! What the hell...?" cries Meowth as he slowly gets up and pathetically stares up at Koffing and Zubat, literally shaking. "Umm...g-give that b-back..."

"What for? It's just a peice of junk!" teases Zubat as he slips the rock around his neck. "Get over it!"

"Yeah! You little wimp! If you want it back that bad, come and get it!" shouts Koffing.

"Hey, knock it off, you big bullies!" shouts Amber as she gets uo glaring.

"Aww, is your little girlfriend gonna defend you?"

"Hey, hey. That's no way to treat a lady, Koffing." smiled Zubat. "Hey baby. Why're you hangin' out with this loser? Come with us and we can show you some REAL fun. Heheheh."

"Go f**k yourself."

"Now now. We have a fiesty one, now dont we?"

"Leave her out of this!" glared Meowth but soon shrinks back as they glare back at him. "G-give me m-my rock b-back..."

"You want it that badly come take it from us!" yelled Koffing as they both took off for the beach cave.

"Aww man...i...i gotta get it back! If i dont..." sniffled Meowth then he shook his head. "No! No more crying! Hey Amber, can you please help?"

"Of course! Lets go!" she shouts as they run off into the cave in persuit of Zubat and Koffing. _Definetly. Not my f**king day._

* * *

Lucario: Hoped ya liked it!

Pain: Fine! I'll help you! God!

Lucario: But i never-

Pain: No thanks needed. just say goodbye.

Mady: Wow. just woow.

Vulpix: Why me? Why meeee?

All: BYEEEEEE!


	2. Don't be a loser!

Lucario: Heeey! thanks for the reviews people! it inspired me to make this new chapter as soon as i saw them!

Pain: yaaaay...

Mady: no one even knows im here.

Lucario: taking roll! okay pain...vulpix...meowth...koffing...zubat...hmph. mady's not here. thats weird. oh well.

Mady: see?

Lucario: on with the story!

* * *

**CHAPTER 2**

**DON'T BE A LOSER!**

_Recap..._

_"You want it that badly come take it from us!" yelled Koffing as they both took off for the beach cave._

_"Aww man...i...i gotta get it back! If i dont..." sniffled Meowth then he shook his head. "No! No more crying! Hey Amber, can you please help?"_

_"Of course! Lets go!" she shouts as they run off into the cave in persuit of Zubat and Koffing._ "_Definetly. Not my f**king day."_

_End of Recap..._

"Alright, so what now?"

"You dont know, Amber? We're in a mystery dungeon. We gotta battle our way through to get to Zubat and Koffing."

"Oh. i knew that."

"Shellos! Shellos shell!" cried an angry Shellos as they walked into the cave. "What are you doing in my home? I'll kill you if you dont get out!"

"Hey now, calm down. We dont want any trouble." Meowth tried to reason to it. "Yeah, f**k off, buddy! We dont have time for this!" yelled an impatient Amber. The Shellos then glared at her and shot bubbles at her. "Ahhh! Hey what was that for?"

"Get out, get out, get out!" screamed the Shellos as he shoots more bubbles at her.

"OWW! Knock it off!"

"This is why you try not to anger them!" says Meowth as he slashed the Shellos, scaring it off.

"You say not to anger them. But then you go and slash him, making him run off to tell his big, angry mother!" yells Amber as she jumps back as a giant Gastrodon jumps at her. "Stay away from my baby!" it screams as it shoots a water pulse at them.

"Alright, thats it! I'm a Vulpix! so i should be able to do...this!" she yells as she uses Faint Attack on the Gastrodon. "Ha! Gotcha!" "What are you, nuts?" yells Meowth. "Even with both of us put together, that thing is half our size!" "Then start attacking! Don't be a loser!" The Gastrodon charges at them, causing them to jump away.

"What does that even mean?" cried Meowth.

"It means don't be a loser! Duh!" Amber uses Faint Attack again on the Gastrodon. "Now shut up and fight!"

"Fiiiine! God!" says Meowth as he scratches the Gastrodon, making the final hit and causing it to faint.

"See? Now that wasnt that hard, was it?"

"Hey! I can see Zubat and Koffing down there!"

"Well, c'mon!" Amber says as she runs over. "Dont be a loser AND a chicken!"

"Not nice!"

"Too bad!" yells Amber as she kicks a rock at Zubat, hitting him in the head. "Hey Spongebob and Patrick! Over here! Yes, i'm talking to you, idiots!"

"Do i get to be Spongebob?" asked a hopeful Koffing.

"No. No you dont."

"Awww..."

"Would you shut up, you idiot? Dont ask a sexy lady dumb questions." says Zubat and if he had eyebrows he would be wiggling them at Amber right now.

"Shut up, dingbat!" yells a discusted Amber.

"Um, maybe we shouldnt anger him-" starts Meowth but gets cut off by Zubat. "Shut up you stupid wimp! Once i get ridda you, she'll come crawling ta me!" Zubat says then charges at him but gets a face full of ember.

"Dont pick on him, you big bully!" yells Amber as she shoots more ember at him. "Meowth! You get Koffing!"

"O-okay..." stutters Meowth but he soon starts slashing at Koffing easily. "Hey, i'm doing pretty well!"

"You bet you are! I took Zubat out already! i know you can handle this!" shouts Amber as she smiles, happy for her friend.

"Alright! Scratch attack!" yells Meowth as he uses Scratch on Koffing, making him faint.

"I believe this is yours." smiles Amber as she gives him back his rock thing.

"Thank you Amber."

"No prob. Hey, what is that thing anyway?"

"I'll tell you on the beach. C'mon."

When they get to the beach...

"I call it my Relic Fragment. It's my special treasure. I know, it looks like sh*t but take a closer look. There are inscriptions."

_"Wow thats really something..."_ thinks Amber as she stares at it. "You definetly dont see that every day..."

"Exactly. i wanna know where it came from, explore, and all those things! I tried joining a guild but...i'm too wimpy...what about you, Amber? Where are you gonna go?"

"I...ah...i dont know..."

"Y-You could join a guild with me! Pleeeeaaaassseeeee?"

"I really dont think-"

"PLEEEAAAASSSSEEEEE?"

"...Fine..."

"YES! C'mon, lets go!" shouts Meowth as he grabs Amber's paw and starts running towards the guild...

* * *

Lucario: plz review!


	3. They forgot the God damn onions!

Lucario: hi. i know that the spoink mission is supposed to come but i have run completely out of ideas so im skipping it. i will do the drowzee mission though because i actually thought of something for it. also, instead of bidoof being at the guild, im changing him to a pikachu. sorry to those who like bidoof. on with the story.

* * *

**THEY FORGOT THE GOD DAMN ONIONS!**

_Recap..._

_"Y-You could join a guild with me! Pleeeeaaaassseeeee?"_

_"I really dont think-"_

_"PLEEEAAAASSSSEEEEE?"_

_"...Fine..."_

_"YES! C'mon, lets go!" shouts Meowth as he grabs Amber's paw and starts running towards the guild..._

_End of Recap..._

"I guess the food isnt that bad..." Amber grudgingly said as she took a bite then quickly spit it out. "Augh, i take it back!"

"Why? Whats wrong with it?" Said Meowth. He was getting kinda tired with her attitude. It was really getting annoying to him.

"They forgot the god damn onions!"

"Ugh! Well sor-ry everything cant be perfect, princess!"

"Watch it, ya stupid cat." Glared the Vulpix. She was pretty annoyed with Meowth as well.

"Guys, cool it." A pikachu said. He was showing them around the town since he also worked at the guild._ "I knew getting fast food was a bad idea..."_ He thought. The two have been arguing all morning and it was getting extremely annoying.

"He started it..."

"I did not!" And once again, the argument started anew.

"Alright, thats it! Come back to the guild when you're done fighting! God!" Yells Pikachu as he storms off.

"...See what you did?"

"What I did? Moron!"

"Excuse me, miss. But can i get through to purchase an apple?" A little Azuril stares up at Amber.

"Sure. Sorry, my friend was being a jackass."

"Oh. Okay." The pokemon hops over and buys an apple.

"Azurill, did you get it yet?" A Marill walks over. "We need to go with Mr. Drowzee, remember?"

"Right. Sorry." Azurill jumps over to Marill, bumping into Amber. "Oops! I'm sorry!"

"It's alri-" Amber stops, getting very dizzy. _"Aw, sh*t! Whats going on? I'm so dizzy..."_

_"H-h-help!"_

_"W-what was that? That sounded like Azurill! F**kity f**k f**K!"_

"Are you okay, miss?" Azurill asked, worried.

"Azurill, c'mon!" Yelled Marill and they both leave.

"Bye!" Called Meowth. He looks at Amber. "Whats with you?"

"Shut up. Let's go back to the guild."

"Hmph. Fine with me...hey! That must be Drowzee they're talking to!"

"No, really, genius?" Amber scowls and walks over to the three pokemon.

"Oh, hello there. Who might you two be?" The Drowzee looked over at Amber and Meowth.

"I'm Meowth."

"Amber. Don't annoy me. Annoy me and die."

"Ignore her." Glared Meowth. He was really getting fed up with the Vulpix's attitude.

"Sourpuss."

"Anyway...we should be going." Said Drowzee as he started walking away with Marill and Azurill. But he accidentally bumps into Amber. "Oh. Excuse me." Said Drowzee as he hurried away.

_"Not agaaaaiiinnnn! The dizziness is back..." _Thought Amber as she begins to see something.

_"Hey! I said I'd take you home when we're done!" Yells Drowzee as he glares down at Azurill. "Now you better do as i say...or it will man big trouble for you."_

_"H-h-help!" Screams Azurill._

"See you guys!" Calls Meowth as the three pokemon walk away.

"Meowth..."

"What do you want?"

"I...well, i think Drowzee is a bad pokemon." Amber hesitantly explains everything she saw.

"Ha! I know youre pulling a trick! Now knock it off!"

"But i'm not!"

"Shut up!"

"Fine! If you dont believe me, i'll go save Marill myself!" Yells Amber as she runs off.

"Fine! Dont expect me to come rescue you when you get into trouble!" Glares Meowth as he walks back into the villiage.

_"I'll show that damn Meowth...he'll see..."_ Amber thought as she walks to the mountain.

* * *

Lucario: Cliffhanger...yaay...plz R&R!


	4. One is the Lonliest Number

Lucario: Welcome fellow viewers! thnx for the reviews! i own not the pokemon show, but if i did it would be a hell of a lot better! On with the story!

* * *

**ONE IS THE LONLIEST NUMBER...**

_Recap..._

_"Fine! If you dont believe me, i'll go save Marill myself!" Yells Amber as she runs off._

_"Fine! Dont expect me to come rescue you when you get into trouble!" Glares Meowth as he walks back into the villiage._

_"I'll show that damn Meowth...he'll see..." Amber thought as she walks to the mountain._

_End of Recap..._

Amber walks along the path, muttering curses and ranting. "Stupid Meowth...I'll show that God damn idiot..." She stops at a cave entrance. _But then again...it does look challenging..._ She thought and sighed. "Well, y'know what they say. One is the lonliest number..."

She then walked through various tunnels and caves until she is hopelessly lost. "Oh yeah. I forgot. I'M the one with the horrible direction. Augh. This is gonna take FOREVER!" Amber flops down on the ground, ready to give up, when she hears a piercing scream. "Azurill!"

* * *

"Rough day, huh?" The pikachu said as Meowth stomped into the room.

"Tell me about it. Amber's being all bitchy! Anyway, what about that criminal capturing?"

"Right well it's up on the board. Take your pick."

"...WHAT THE FUCK?"

Pikachu almost fell over from shock. "What? What the hell is wrong?" Meowth pointed to a picture.

"Drowzee...Amber's in trouble! I have no time to explain! C'mon, Pikachu!" Meowth exclaimed before grabbing the confused pokemon and drag him away.

* * *

Azuril screamed again and Drowzee used Confusion on him. He refused to go through that hole. He knew he needed to stay strong though, for his brother and his mom.

"You damn little brat! Go through it already!" Drowzee shouted, aggrivated. Azuril just wouldnt co-operate. It was extremely annoying.

"Hey, you bastard! Leave the little kid alone!" Amber stood at the entrance, chest puffed out, glaring at Drowzee. "How dare you! Hurting a little kid! By order of the law, I...say you're arrested! So there!"

"Shut up, you incolent bitch." Drowzee said then seemed to forget about Azuril for a moment, using Confusion to throw Amber into the hard, stone wall.

"OW! Hey, that hurt!" Amber shakily got up and shot Ember at him.

Drowzee just laughed. "You're pathetic by yourself. Just look at you." He then used pound and slammed her into the ground.**(A.N.- *giggles* I made a rhyme. And in such little time.)**

"Fuck! That REALLY hurt!" Amber knew she couldnt fight this guy alone. She needed- dare she say it -Meowth.

But Drowzee just kept going, merciless, not letting her get away alive.

_"This is bad...I'm starting to see little black dots...and i know thats not a good sign..."_ Amber thought to herself. _"So this is how it's gonna end...I'm sorry Meowth...for everything." _Before she could close her eyes she was a Thunderbolt and a Payday hit Drowzee, making him stumble back.

"Amber! AMBER! Wake up, damnit!" Meowth ran over to his partner and stared at her worridly. "Please tell me you're okay!"

Amber managed to make an annoyed look. "Do i LOOK okay?"

"Yeah...stupid question..."

"No, duh."

Pikachu ran over. "I took care of Drowzee and checked Azuril. He should be fine. It's you who took the most damage, Amber."

"I'll be fine...i just need some rest, is all." Says the vulpix as she tries to stand.

"Here. I packed a few oran berries. Just in case." Meowth said as he handed her an oran berry.

Amber smiled. "Team?"

"Team." Meowth also smiles and helps her stand.

"Thank God. It was sooo boooring without a teamate. But you know what they say. One is the lonliest number."

* * *

Lucario: So...this took a while to update...i have a writer's block, okay? i'd REALLY appreciate some ideas! D:

till next time, bye.


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